For a while, I wasn’t sure if I should share my story and offer a lot of personal information online—it felt like I was selling my soul—or if I should just stick to the usual advice.
I realized that most of what I’ve seen out there feels like robotic, cookie-cutter advice. I’ve tried many of these methods; sometimes they worked, and sometimes they didn’t.
Reading my experience, might be the same. Stories can be helpful, but not always.
After all, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, I'm just one of those people who are happy to share my process and get better. I will remind you that you are not alone.
My story is long and complicated, much like eating disorders themselves. As my therapist often says, eating disorders are complex.
Knowing that this journey is a long one is incredibly important. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.
What works for one person may not work for another. She reminded me,
Naz, this is a long journey. It’s not something that can always be fixed in a month or even a year.
I’ve had to be patient and persistent. In the past, I would often find myself praying and crying, but now, I feel much calmer and more accepting of the process.
So now, this is the first day of my journey. On this path, I will share what I have done and how I managed to reduce my daily binging from 3–4 times a day to 2–3 times a week.
I have this feeling today and I wanted to share a little information about it.
By the way, if you’re unsure about your behavior, please first read this article to understand whether you have a binge eating disorder or are dealing with emotional eating: How to Identify Emotional Eating and Eating Disorders.
1. Knowing the “why” behind your feelings
For a long time, I didn’t understand why I was eating. I knew I needed to eat to feel alive or to have a happy moment, especially because I hated my routines. Later, I realized that my emotions had a big impact on my eating habits—my traumas and triggers played a huge role.
I am a software developer, and to be honest, I don’t really enjoy my profession or my workplace. While this didn’t cause my eating disorder, it definitely played a significant role in its emergence and had a huge impact on how it developed.
But, like in coding, there's an "algorithm" to life. You can’t make a "cake" without following the steps correctly—like making the dough before adding the eggs wouldn’t work.
My eating disorder was basically the same as an algorithm.
The wrong cycle looks like this:
- Feel like crap
- Eat
But the correct cycle, or "algorithm," should involve asking questions:
- I feel like crap. Why?
- Did I eat something today?
- I haven't eaten all day, does not eating affect how I feel?
- If I am already full, why do I still feel this way?
Often, it’s because of thoughts like: "My boss criticized me," "My work didn’t go well," "No one loves me," "I don’t love my body," or "No one cares how I feel." Maybe it's because my boyfriend is far away, my friendships are toxic, or my family doesn’t see how hard I’m trying or struggling. When I was a child, I didn’t get enough attention. I don’t love my body because people feel entitled to comment on it. I’ve believed the things other people have said about me, but why? They don’t define me. I define my own value, and I am enough for love.
Asking questions in a positive way, writing them down, and creating a diagram or algorithm can definitely help you understand your thoughts better.
2. Creating a Less Boring Life with Boundaries
Life isn’t inherently boring, but it can feel that way when we don’t have meaningful boundaries or routines. Whether you have everything or nothing, it’s about finding small details that make life easier and happier, which makes life less boring and more exciting.
I’ve tried many things to fill my life with meaning. However, my last job took up 15 hours of my day, between work and dealing with the traumas and feelings of not being enough.
I was stuck in this mindset of "there’s no way out of this life." I felt deeply trapped by my job and family dynamics, viewing my life as boring but not recognizing it as toxic.
Later, I realized I needed to set boundaries, whether it was with my job, family, or friends.
Losing my job turned out to be better than staying in a bad environment. I was sinking, seeing the issues but doing nothing about them because I felt no one there deserved my effort anymore.
To make my life less boring, I’ve tried various things:
- Playing the flute
- Planting flowers on my balcony
- Starting my website
- Creating a YouTube account
- Starting Ring Fit Adventure -Because most of the time the gym scared me.
- Taking steps to start my own company
I’ve also learned to accept all of these efforts as part of my journey, including the darker moments. You can read more about this in 4. Accepting the Darkness as a Part of Life.
3. Balancing Empathy: Less Can Sometimes Be More
I’ve also learned that having less empathy can sometimes be better than having too much. I haven’t found a perfect solution, but I’ve cut back on my social interactions a bit. Being around people who lacked empathy made me feel like I was consuming myself from the inside out.
So, I decided to focus on building a better relationship with myself, my family, and my loved ones. After that, I plan to expand my social circle more selectively because always being the "best friend" to others didn’t help me—it just drained me mentally.
In my workplaces, I often felt used by others because saying "no" and protecting my boundaries was incredibly hard for me. I always wished for someone stronger to support me and help enforce those boundaries, even though deep down, I knew I had the strength within me all along.
4. Accepting the Darkness as a Part of Life
The sooner you accept that life has its ups and downs, the happier you can become. Sometimes things are just terrible, and other times, they're not terrible at all.
As the artist Aurora said in an interview,
You have to accept that sometimes it’s just shit, and sometimes it’s not shit at all.
Learning to accept this has been challenging for me and it’s still hard. It might seem like the stupidest thing, but it’s not about giving in; it’s about understanding that life isn’t a straight path.
My therapist often reminded me that life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs.
My boyfriend, who also writes about gaming on CodingLifeMindfully, has always been a great supporter.
He taught me that darkness can also be a part of life. When I was feeling so sad and couldn’t think of anything positive, he created a Spotify playlist for us called “Shaded Tunes”.
It’s impossible to always be happy because life is just like that. But even in sadness, we don't have to be alone. Let’s embrace this darkness as part of our journey. -T
I’ve started to accept my life as it is—my anxiety, my ADHD, and even, slowly, my body. Embracing these parts of myself, instead of fighting against them, has been a big step towards finding peace and contentment.
5. Getting Help from Others
Therapy, family, a boyfriend, or a friend—getting help from others can make a huge difference. Hiding your struggles only makes life harder.
I know it’s not easy to share what you’re going through, and you should not share with everyone, but we all have to start somewhere:
For me, Reddit communities have been incredibly helpful. Taking a break from social media was also a big help, especially since platforms often push diet culture, restrictions (which I will definitely talk about in the future), and the idea of the "perfect" body.
6. Taking Time to Reflect
Just before writing this blog, I felt the urge to eat. So, I quickly went through my “why-algorithm” and realized that I needed to engage in more meaningful activities—less boring routines, more acceptance of feeling “dark,” and so on.
I immediately put this into practice. I checked to see if I was hungry. I took my ADHD medication, put on my headphones, and listened to some Mac Miller self-care second half, which I recently fell in love with.
Then, I went to the balcony, watered the flowers, and wrote a guest blog post about general knowledge questions (yay, I’m a guest writer now!). It’s about food, and I’ll share it here soon. 😋
Later, I switched to some calmer songs and continued writing this blog. In just 2-3 hours, I turned what could have been a mindless eating session into meaningful time.
Please follow my journey if it resonates with you because I will continue sharing here.
Thanks for reading, and let’s find our meaningful moments together.
Best, Naz.
