I've been working on three different freelance projects for the past three or four days, leaving me exhausted. Despite being busy, a comment I read online stuck with me: "I feel very badly for your poor sister."
This comment made me question myself. Was there some truth to it?
Understanding Family Dynamics
I am the youngest daughter in my family, and I always want to share more with them. Recently, I posted about a situation on Reddit, trying to understand why my sister was behaving the way she was. In my family, like in many Middle Eastern families, people often feel entitled to comment on each other's lives. I truly love my family and don't want to imagine life without them.
This morning, our mom was already upset because of some earlier events where my sister had used hurtful language. I wondered why my sister was so angry and shared my thoughts online. Instead of support, I received comments suggesting I should mind my own business and not try to police someone else's life. They said things like, "You should look at yourself first. Why are you trying to stop others?"
Learning to Respect Boundaries
Reflecting on this, I realized that my sister's anger isn't just about the immediate situation. One reason my sister is so angry is that she lives with our mother. Living with our mother can be wonderful, but because she is old and alone, she tends to be more critical and demanding.
In other words, my sister is now experiencing what I made her experience, my mother's criticism. It has left my sister with very little patience.
How to Handle Family Criticism
Our family dynamic is complex. My mother, for instance, has always had strong opinions about everything, from how we dress to how we live our lives. Growing up, her constant critique shaped my self-perception and, to some extent, my behavior. It's challenging to break free from that cycle. When I was younger, I would react strongly, sometimes matching her intensity, which only escalated conflicts. Now, I try to mediate and offer advice, but this new approach has its pitfalls too.
People suggested that if I asked my sister to apologize to our mother or to do something specific, of course, she would get angry and swear at me. Swearing is wrong, but they also said that what I did was very wrong too.
Some people commented that I should mind my own business and not try to be the police of someone else's life. They were right in that regard. They said things like, "You should look at yourself first. Why are you trying to stop others?"
I found it strange that they judged me so quickly because I already judge myself harshly. A negative comment on social media immediately puts me on the defensive.
Improving Family Relationships
Despite this, it didn't interfere too much with my work and taught me something valuable: Hey, you have started meddling in people's lives. You weren't like this before. I realized that I had started copying my mother, who always comments on everything. I love my mother, but telling her not to comment is pointless because it won't change her.
Previously, I used to get very offended and would retaliate by doing the same to others. If someone said something to me, I would respond in kind, which led to conflicts with my mother and sisters. Now, I try to give advice and suggest how things should be done, but this has made people more annoyed, labeling me as egotistical and self-centered.
In reality, my issue lies in how I express myself to others.
Effective Communication with Family
It's important to understand that my sister's behavior isn't without reason. She's been through a lot, and living with our mother has added to her stress. Our mom's constant comments and critiques can be exhausting. My sister often feels like she's under constant scrutiny, and I can see how this would wear anyone down. When she lashes out, it's often because she feels cornered or overwhelmed.
They don't realize that I'm just trying to share what I've learned. When I give advice, they see it as interference, not as the caring gesture I intend it to be. It's a tough spot to be in - wanting to help but ending up making things worse.
I realized I might have been overstepping by trying to guide and advise my family members based on what I've learned from therapy. While my intentions are good, my approach might come off as overbearing and intrusive. I've been in therapy for years, the only one in my family who has sought professional help, and I sometimes feel responsible for sharing what I've learned with them. However, I need to recognize that I am not a therapist, and my role is not to police their lives.
I've come to understand that while it's important to communicate and share concerns, it's equally important to respect boundaries and not impose my views on others.
This experience has taught me to be more mindful of how I express my thoughts and to seek a balance between offering support and respecting my family's autonomy.
Navigating family dynamics can be incredibly challenging, especially when trying to balance personal growth with familial expectations. I'm still learning and growing, and I hope to find better ways to communicate and coexist with my loved ones without causing further friction.
In conclusion, I realize that my actions might sometimes come off as intrusive, but my intention is always to help and share what I've learned. I'm not perfect, and I'm trying to find a balance between being supportive and respecting my family's boundaries.
So, what have I learned from all this? I REALLY WON'T MEDDLE IN MY FAMILY'S LIVES ANYMORE. If you learn something psychological, go use it somewhere else. Write it in your blog, cry in your journal, but stop trying to fix everyone else's life! 😃
Lessons Learned for Navigating Family Dynamics
Respecting Boundaries: Respect your family's personal boundaries. Even if your intentions are good, unsolicited advice can often be perceived as intrusive.
Understanding Before Judging: Try to understand your sister's behavior from her perspective.
Avoid Overstepping: When offering advice, frame it in a way that shows empathy and understanding. Ask if they want to hear your thoughts before sharing them.
Self-Reflection: Continue reflecting on your actions and their impacts. This self-awareness is key to improving your interactions with your family.
Therapy and Personal Growth: Use what you learn to better yourself first and foremost. Share your insights with your family only when they show interest.
Effective Communication: Work on how you express your thoughts. Using "I" statements can be helpful. For example, "I feel concerned when…" instead of "You should…"
Patience and Compassion: Be patient with yourself and others. Family dynamics are complex, and change takes time.
Leading by Example: Demonstrate the changes you wish to see. Your actions can have a more profound impact than your words.
Focus on Your Well-being: Prioritize your mental health. When you are in a good place, you'll be better equipped to support your family without feeling overwhelmed.
Thanks for reading!
